“My girl could go an entire month without showering and I’d still eat her ass over a slice of Hawaiian pizza any day of the week.”
Bobby Pins Actually Prefer To Be Called Robert Pins
Bobby was fine when I was a young, bright thing in the 1920s, but I'm more mature now, and it's time that I learn to speak up for myself. The name is Robert. Not Bobby. Not Robby. Robert.
Trump Accidentally Signs Green New Deal Thinking He’s Buying Greenland
"Just as soon as I was talking about buying Greenland, the Democrats were kind enough to hand me some kind of great new deal on all green lands. Of course, I signed the papers immediately before they could back down. What a bunch of suckers."
Every Teenage Boy In Club Has Equally Sad Reason For Getting Into Anime
"For me, it was watching Naruto at my dad's house every second weekend. Sometimes Dad would even sit down and watch with me for a couple of minutes. They were the best times of my life. I miss him."
Quick Makeup Looks To Apply While You Wait For The Paramedics To Arrive
Remember that blood we talked about earlier? Double dip some of that ruby red goo and apply generously to your lips. Bold lips tell the EMT defibrillating your heart that you are not to be underestimated.
Supermarket Cashier Not So Friendly When You Talk To Her Three Places Early In The Line, Follow Her To Her Car
Try saying hi to your cashier three places early in the line. Suddenly, the facade drops. Instead of smiling and asking about your day, your act of friendliness is met with a confused glare. But that's not all. Try doing what I did: Wait for her to finish her shift, stay 50-100 feet away from her at all times, follow her to her car, and then try saying hi. Suddenly, Ms. "Did You Find Everything Okay?" is gone, revealing the neurotic, indignant hag she really is.
