Continuously pressing the promo bar at the bottom of the screen, she yelled at the TV, "I'm done with this football game. Come on, damn you, I want to watch 60 Minutes!"
Trump Further Undoes Obama Presidency By Resurrecting Osama Bin Laden
Washington D.C. In a surprising move to cement his own legacy and dismantle his predecessor, president Donald Trump resurrected Al-Qaeda leader, Osama Bin Laden, back from the dead after being killed by SEAL Team 6 back on May 6, 2011 by order of President Obama. The move received mix views for U.S. citizens with some … Continue reading Trump Further Undoes Obama Presidency By Resurrecting Osama Bin Laden
America Consults Iraq For Advice On Maintaining Free And Fair Elections
Stephen Miller, a top policy adviser to President Trump, is currently in Iraq to learn a few best practices on ensuring a free and fair election. "We have our own Jim Crow ideas," Miller explained. "But that's so old school. We're always looking to keep it fresh. So, it was either here or Russia, but … Continue reading America Consults Iraq For Advice On Maintaining Free And Fair Elections
Trump Threatens To Do A Bad Job Starting In November If He Doesn’t Win Reelection
"I will rip this country apart come November if I am robbed of this election. Make no mistake. I will use those two months to do terrible, really terrible things."
Trump: I Got Your Stimulus Package Right Here
"You want a stimulus package? I got your stimulus package right here," Mr. Trump told the press, two fingers firmly gripping his withered penis. "They all want one. I fought COVID. Obama never fought it. Sad. It's really terrible what the radical left is doing to my great nation. Nancy got her hair cut that … Continue reading Trump: I Got Your Stimulus Package Right Here
Trump Says He Beat COVID Because He Has The Strength Of 200,000 Dead Americans
"I feel great. Never better. Sad about the radical left. Lies. I wish I could go back in time and kiss every Chinaman on the mouth. Do not be afraid, for I am with you. They never appreciate me. They never appreciate me. I think I beat it because I have the strength of 200,000 … Continue reading Trump Says He Beat COVID Because He Has The Strength Of 200,000 Dead Americans
Bezos Fears Amazon COVID Cases Might Hurt Reputation Of Warehouse Conditions
"We were shocked to see these high COVID numbers; our warehouses are infamous for being a very fun and very safe environment for our high turnover staff. That said, we're working on making our work conditions safer. On a positive note, we will soon be launching our brand new Prime+ membership where you can expect your deliveries to arrive within an hour after ordering!"
President’s Nurses Demand Immediate Discharge
Bethesda, MD After five shifts of nurses assigned to President Trump at Walter Reed Hospital observed one too many bare-chested exhibitions by the President, a petition was submitted to treating physician, Dr. Sean Conley, asking for an immediate discharge. "We can deal with vomit, cleaning up feces, and being splattered with blood, but a half-naked … Continue reading President’s Nurses Demand Immediate Discharge