Orlando, FL— After shaking hands with hundreds of thousands of park-goers upon Magic Kingdom's reopening, the 91-year-old mouse reported feeling flu-like symptoms. "The pineapple Dole Whip had no taste, I had a fever, and I wasn't able to move my mouth, it was just hanging open in this exaggerated smile." Mickey told his supervisor that … Continue reading Disney Forces Mickey Mouse To Work Despite Testing Positive For COVID
By Ron DeSantis I know the past 3 months have been tough on us. In Florida, our economy really took a hit. But, thank God, we are finally past the China Flu. I know many of us suffered. My financial portfolio lost a third of its value. Some local officials chased innocent college students off … Continue reading Whew, I’m Glad That Coronavirus Thing Is Over
"This strange aberration flies in the face of everything we understood about Caucasian biology. We'll be giving him corrective surgery immediately. It's a miracle he's even held together at all."
Eagle-eyed online shoppers became wary of the company when they spotted that the names of the furniture are also the names of thousands of little Swedish boys and girls who have been kidnapped from the various meatball factories spanning the country. Every couch, armoire, desk, and end table, actually contains a tiny, abducted child inside.
"I always type 'give me Google' in the Bing box. Such a smart box, too. It always finds Google! My daughter also told me not to listen to my friends and stop asking Jeeves."
"We're all trying our best to isolate lawmaking from religion, and then we see 7 SCOTUS judges raw dogging it in court with religious exemptions? Not safe. Not cool."
"This 'Teachers Are Heroes And Caretakers Bill' sends a proud message to the nation and to the world what the United States Congress can accomplish when our feet are to the fire," Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said in a press statement. "The THC Bill will give states the freedom to choose how to spend these funds, and we are grateful to be able to show our heroes what they are worth."
These masks are a new multi-million dollar market, and it's no wonder why. There has never been another beauty tool that does what these babies do in one second. Simply slip one over your ugly face, and for as little as $2 you can instantly transform your skin. It hides dark spots, color-corrects, conceals weak … Continue reading Meet The Hot New Miracle Beauty Tool That Stores Can’t Keep On Their Shelves
"If you'd leave room for the Holy Spirit like you're supposed to, you wouldn't need birth control," wrote Justice Clarence Thomas. "The CDC is telling everyone to stay six feet apart, so this entire thing is simply a waste of the Court's time."