Much to the bewilderment of everyone who sees him driving around in his massive penis compensator, Martin legitimately has a remarkable schlong.
"I always knew I had a good arm, you don't sling hot dogs and popcorn for 6 years without learning a thing or two. I was just happy to help out. Though, I do wish that people could have chilled with their orders until timeouts or when defense was up. Hard to multitask.
"No returns. All sales final."
"I was starting to think this day would never come," reported the White House. "He's sure done some damage. You should see what Eric did to the Lincoln Bedroom, it's going to take months to get the smell of Rudy Giuliani out of the carpet. I have much for which to be grateful. And I … Continue reading White House Grateful It’s The Last Thanksgiving Trump Will Be Living In It
"Everything looks lovely, dear. Did you, by chance, ever get to look at that recipe book I gave you a few years ago? There's really good holiday meal ideas in there, it might help you the next time," Mama Jean told daughter-in-law Stacy Adam's. "Not that I'm complaining. I see the work you've done, but … Continue reading ‘Good Thing COVID Impacted My Senses Or I’d Have To Taste Your Cooking’ Says Mother-In-Law
Washington, D.C.- In a twist on a Thanksgiving tradition, the White House Turkey pardoned the President during a press conference on Wednesday morning. "This morning at 12:01 AM, Donald J. Trump resigned from the Presidency of the United States. In my new capacity as President, pursuant to the pardon power conferred upon me by Article … Continue reading White House Turkey Pardons Trump
"Listen, I only took this job as a favor to America for all it suffered under Barack Hussein Obama. But nobody ever says thank you. Terrrible how they, it's terrible and also, what a hoax. If you want to convince yourselves that millions and millions and millions and millions of people voted for Sleepy Joe … Continue reading Trump Concedes He Didn’t Want This Stupid Job Anymore Anyways
"Literally no way. Count them again. Again! This is so unfair."
"People grow in different directions," Martha said. "Unfortunately for Jay, that direction was an arctic tundra inside our living room, and mine was not wanting to lose a limb to frostbite."