"While this type of behavior is not ideal in the NFL, it is at least a step up from having to deal with our players beating women and then having to deal with law enforcement and courts and figuring out an appropriate amount of games to suspend a player. I hope that if more players are in need of assaulting someone, they do it to another player on the field and not to a woman off the field."
"I'm already very blessed, so I wanted to donate 100 percent of the proceeds from this labor of love to charities that fight these women, minorities, and triggered libtards," Trump Jr. told his dad's fans at his book-signing. "These lefties are revolting. Thank you for joining me in this higher calling that my father has … Continue reading Don Jr. To Donate Proceeds From New Book To Charity That Combats Women And Minorities
"I don't know if anyone's noticed this before, but his last name is actually derived from Drumpf. Drumpf!" posts Neville, plunging the depths of human discourse.
"Every fucking day it’s, 'What time do you work today, Sean?' Like goddamn, fam. My schedule is on the refrigerator. I even text them an image of my schedule every week. Can they not read? And why do they even care?"
Burks, a sadistic little bastard since age two, derives pleasure from inhumanely destroying insects and can't wait to be a dog owner.
“We met, of all places, in a group for fat cats, titled, ‘THIS CAT IS C H O N K Y,’” said Steve, fondly reminiscing about how he ‘met’ Samantha just eight blissful months ago.
When asked on a questionnaire why they wore the socks, almost everyone checked the boxes for “I need the attention people give me,” “Regular socks make me feel lonely and afraid,” and “I can hide little love notes to myself in each toe compartment.”
By Zachary James Wood
"There was no gore, no action, and a weak plot. Guess you really do change after the first kid," said longtime friend and neighbor Allen Hopple, the faint pink frosting still visible in his mustache.
“We have it all,” said Michael Mercurio, co-founder. “There are partial pizzas. Half-full boxes of pretzels. Oreos without the cream middle. There’s even a section called ‘Leftovers’ in Aisle 8 where you can buy the remains of other people’s dinners."