“That's twelve distinct photos of his smug toddler smirk on that beady-eyed, punchable face that only a mother could love. Now compare that to me, the world's sexiest leader, with my chiseled, Ken doll face. Which Canada will you invest in?”
Heartbreaking: Antifa Thugs Bullied This Promising Art Student Until He Committed Suicide
The SJWs really took things too far once they formed networks around the world and made death threats to Adolf. Some even got out of their mom’s basements and started manning tanks and submarines. You never see Antifa doing this to leftist leaders like Obama, because they're hypocrites.
Jared Leto Gains 400 lbs For Upcoming Biopic About Your Mom
Leto made news during the filming of the project after your dad said it was chilly outside, causing Leto to run outdoors with a spoon. The extra weight he was sporting caused the actor to lose his balance, inadvertently stepping on a crack and breaking his own back. We at Unsubscribed wish him a full recovery.
Counting Stairs: Should You Include Landings?
"After a controversial report out of Northeastern University’s Department of Bipedal Vertical Locomotion concluded that “large landings may be excluded from an enumeration of treads and risers,” a firestorm of dispute has engulfed the stair-counting academy."
President Pens List Of Grievances In Original New Children’s Book
"Congress has been very mean to me. The Press hates me. Nobody seems to care. I think I'll move to Australia."
I Don’t See Race, Color, Or Even My Own Dick
I wish more people were like me: race-blind, color-blind, and their-own-dick-blind. If everyone were like that, and if certain people whose race and color I am unable to see would stay the hell out of nice neighborhoods like mine, I assure you our whole society would be a lot better off.
Daughter’s Boyfriend Positioned At Edge Of Family Photo In Case He Needs To Be Cropped Out Later
"A little to the left. Bit further...bit further...yes! That's perfect. Now smile!"
God Publishes ‘Guide To Humans: Absolutely Everything Explained Except How They Calculate Airline Fares’
“I was wrapping up the manuscript when I realized I left out how humans calculate airfares. I plugged literally trillions of itineraries into travel sites looking for a pattern and I still can’t figure it out!”
United States Becoming Less Religious Because Hillary Had God Killed
This explains why thoughts and prayers aren't being answered after every school shooting, pandemic, or when a professional team loses a big game.
Lindsey Graham Terrified His Testicles Beginning To Descend
"I felt some seismic energy, and ran to the mirror—where low and behold, I could just make out the slightest curvature of a testis, I think it's the left one."