“It took a long time, many years, but I have enough teeth in my possession to live comfortably for the rest of my life."
Pringles CEO: If You Are Not Making Duck Bills, You Can Go Fuck Yourself
When asked to explain the importance of duck bills, Bryant just said “quack quack” as two chips crumbled between his lips.
Woman Gauges Level Of Attractiveness By How Long It Takes To Be Offered Help At Home Depot
“In my twenties I couldn't make it past the first aisle, but the last few times I've gotten down to aisle five before anyone stopped me."
Marijuana A Cure For Everything, Claims Unemployed Roommate Scientist
Dave Fellowes believes he's found the cure for "literally everything, bruh. Cancer, the flu, man... It's like, whoa, everything."
Drain Hair Considering Bangs
“I just feel like everything has been the same old, same old for a while now. Nothing’s really wrong. I’d probably look okay with bangs. I don’t know, maybe I’m just depressed,”