Hartford, CT —

Suffering from feelings of inadequacy and like it has been stuck in a rut for far too long, local drain hair told reporters it is considering getting bangs. “I just feel like everything has been the same old, same old for a while now. Nothing’s really wrong. I’d probably look okay with bangs. I don’t know, maybe I’m just depressed,” it stated.

At press time, the drain hair is reconsidering bangs and thinks that parting it on the other side will give it the fresh look it needs.

By Emily Sanchez, Image Edit: Eric Drewes