Cincinnati, OH —

When asked at a recent snack food convention about new flavors of Pringles we might soon see, CEO John Bryant ignored the question. Instead, he went on a rant about being angry watching people eat the chips. “Twenty years ago, people ate Pringles correctly. These days, you just don’t see many people making duck bills with our delicious potato crisps anymore.” He ended by saying, “If you eat Pringles without doing it, you can go fuck yourself.”

When asked to explain the importance of duck bills, Bryant just said “quack quack” as two chips crumbled between his lips.

Attention was diverted to a nearby booth when a Lay’s representative shot a man for eating only one chip. Hearing the gunshot, many people in the area put their hands in the air, revealing hundreds of fingertips topped with Bugles.

By Ethan Moore, Image Edit: Paul Klingle