Lincoln, AL —

Musician James Taylor was apprehended by Talladega County Sheriffs after appearing inebriated and aggressive at the Waffle House in Lincoln at 3:30 am Thursday. Witnesses report that Taylor smelled of “stale Natty Ice and Newport cigarettes.” The beloved singer-songwriter admitted to attempting to “have a friend in, or at least a handyman,” with the statue of a beloved local mayor, adding “someone should clean that shit up.”

In the face of scandalized looks and a quiet reprisal from a waitress, he reportedly shouted, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m James goddamn Taylor, fuck you,” before violently swiping a napkin dispenser and varied condiments onto the floor. 

County Sheriffs arrived on scene shortly after the musician threatened to “burn this motherfucker down with all you assholes in it,” and coaxed him out of the bathroom with a promise of free coffee while in lock-up overnight. No charges have been filed to date.

By Kate Evans, Image Edit: Dani Siddle