Mexican Restaurant Not “Hole-In-The-Wall” Enough For Foodie
"Their hand-drawn chalk menu was littered with words like 'local,' 'free range,' and 'organic.' I can't trust anyone who puts that much thought and care into a taqueria."
Asteroid Getting Worried It Won’t Have Chance to End Humanity
"It's unnerving, really, you look at all the ways humanity could be wiped out at any given moment." The asteroid noted, "I hope when I crash into the Earth there are still people around to witness it. My father was responsible for ending the dinosaurs, so I feel like I have a big crater to fill."
At Least 80% Of You Just Read Headlines, So Fuck It, No Article
This isn't an excerpt, because there is no article. Nope, definitely no article. Don't even bother clicking on this.
Woman Chained In Basement: The Only Man Who Can Tell Me What To Do Is “The Man Upstairs”
Ever since He found me, He's been guiding my life in ways I couldn't have imagined. Really, nothing ever prepares you for being chained against your will in a stranger's basement!
Aging Motorcycle Gang Rethinking Lifestyle
“Tiny is up to 350 pounds and is cutting down on red meat and carbs. After four heart attacks, he realizes he needs to lose some weight. Good for him. Psycho"—nickname not ironic—"is going to cut back on the meth. He is on his third set of full dentures. Killer has a traumatic brain injury and he needs to stay out of the bar fights. His doctor told him that one more bottle broken over his head could put him in a coma."
Cyanide & Happiness Fails for 14th Consecutive Year to Poison Anyone
Although the long-running webcomic Cyanide & Happiness has ostensibly brought happiness to many with its simplistic yet expressive stick figures, a deep dive into their history yields no use at all of cyanide. Founded in 2005 by Rob Denbleyker, Kris Wilson, Dave McElfatrick, and Matt Melvin, C&H has grown over the years in almost every … Continue reading Cyanide & Happiness Fails for 14th Consecutive Year to Poison Anyone
Marie Kondo Believes You Should Throw Away This Article
Your time on earth is limited, why are you spending it with your mother-in-law? What are you doing still reading this article? Surely, it is causing you misery.
Nation Finally Outraged At Invasion Of Native Americans’ Space
“White people confronting our Native predecessors and pushing them around in such an aggressive, self-serving manner is shocking. It’s simply un-American,” said Toews. “Frankly, I've never seen or heard of anything like it,” he added.