Manhattan, NY —

After blowing $137 billion binge-shopping on Etsy, the forlorn CEO Jeff Bezos remembered he had previously banked a significant amount of Amazon points. After carefully reading the reviews and just a few easy clicks, his spirits soared as he added his new wife to his previously empty shopping cart. There was a slightly newer model, but it was not available for immediate shipping. Bezos seemed thrilled as he told reporters, “My new wife will be here in 3 to 5 business days.”

He also added that this purchase has made him rethink Amazon’s shipping policies. “I don’t think I would have went through with it if shipping was extra, and I can’t afford Prime anymore. I’ll have to discuss policy changes with my new bride because paying for shipping sucks.”

By Emily Sanchez

Image by Steve Jurvetson / CC by 2.0