Washington, DC —

Noting that conflict is rarely about surface issues, the Society of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, a division of the American Psychological Association, recommends giving members of the federal government crayons, paper, and time to explore their unconscious minds. This could provide them the emotional closure needed to reopen the full federal government and do their jobs. The chair of the organization, Amanda Jensen-Doss, Ph.D. explained, “When children draw and color, they are able to express what they cannot verbalize – their innermost desires and fears. Not only can we analyze their artwork, but children typically tell stories and begin to really open up as they color. This therapeutic technique could be easily transferred to adults – say, the leaders of the executive and legislative branches of our federal government. This entire shutdown could be resolved over a few boxes of Crayolas. While it appears they are arguing over a wall, we may discover that much of their issues are deeply rooted in childhood trauma, and what they really fear most is losing power and control.”

Only moments after coloring time began, President Trump declared, “I want hamberders! This is so stupid, terrible. I can’t draw. I’m not good at coloring. I hate you!” Uneasy at first, Senator Chuck Shumer seemed unable to draw anything without asking Senator Nancy Pelosi, “Is this okay?” Aides in the room noted that she never appeared to answer him. It is unclear if the session will continue after nap time.

By Emily Sanchez, Photo Edit: Emily Sanchez

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