Toronto, ON –

Last Friday, area foodie Ryan Bennett and his 3 buddies stumbled upon a tiny Mexican restaurant after a night of drinking. “We were pub-hopping through Parkdale, and definitely had one too many saisons, so we decided to get some fresh air,” Ryan recalls. “Off on a side street, we see this tiny restaurant with barred windows and a neon sign that says TACOS, so we head over to get our fill of Mexico’s gift to all hungry drunkards at 1 a.m.”

When the four men stepped inside the Mexican joint, they were shocked and dismayed at what they saw. Ryan’s buddy, Karl, recounts the horrific details: “I was dubious about eating there, to be honest. I just remember looking at the ceiling: no stains. The cook washed his hands after going to the washroom. Food was being served on reusable plates. I thought, ‘Jesus. This can’t be good.'”

Anders, another member of the crew, recalls studying the menu with fearful confusion. “I kept searching for tacos de lengua or cabeza, but all they served were boring, standard meat parts. Their hand-drawn chalk menu was littered with words like ‘local,’ ‘free range,’ and ‘organic.’ I can’t trust anyone who puts that much thought and care into a taqueria.”

“When I caught the cashier talking to the grill cook in English, that’s when I knew there was some serious fuckery going on,” fourth member Brayden adds. “The last straw was seeing the cook put lime rinds into an organics compost bin. No authentic taco joint has ever considered their environmental impact.”

In desperation, Ryan took to Yelp to see if there were any authentic hole-in-the-wall eateries still open. “We found an Ethiopian place. It took us thirty minutes to walk there, and a couple of us got food poisoning from the raw beef in the kitfo, but at least it was authentic. We’ll be back.”

By Andrew Froese, Image Edit: Emily Sanchez