Sudbury, ON –
Area dad Richard James is currently DJing at home for his 2-year-old son, and for the 27th consecutive time today he has been asked to play “Wheels on the Bus.” “My life wasn’t always like this,” Sudbury’s DJ Dad says wistfully. “My playlists used to be all over the map. You name it: blues, black metal, 60s soul jazz, post rock, ambient, some krautrock. Pre-Autobahn Kraftwerk is definitely worth checking out if you haven’t already.” He pauses a moment as his son aggressively tugs at his pants while yelling “Bus! Bus! Bus!” “This is my life now.”
“When you listen to this song enough, you start paying attention to the little things. Have you ever noticed that the driver on the bus says ‘move on back’? What the fuck is going on there?” DJ Dad quips. “That’s either a really full bus or some Rosa Parks-level white privilege bullshit right there.”
“No! No ‘Wheels on the Bus.’ What else do you want to listen to?” DJ Dad asks, with an intense desperation that appears ready to surface in volatile ways. “How about ‘Yellow Submarine’? ‘The Alphabet Song’? Hell, I’ll take ‘Hot Cross Buns’ on the recorder at this point. That’s some Grade-A masochism, buddy. Do you understand why I want you to choose something else, anything else?” The 2-year-old responds with squeals as he runs around the living room pantless, yanking his penis in a circular motion, not unlike the wheels on a bus.
DJ Dad retires to the couch, putting on Paw Patrol to please the little monster. “The lesser of two evils, I guess.”
By Andrew Froese, Image Edit: Andrew Froese