Weary from parenting, 23-year-old mother Kendall Collins has reported that if given the opportunity, she would murder a member of the Australian children’s group, The Wiggles.
Collins explained that when she was first pregnant, she always imagined raising a cultured, intelligent child who would appreciate various classic albums at a young age. This, however, did not go as planned.
“Don’t get me wrong. I don’t WANT to kill them or anyone. The Wiggles aren’t even bad, especially as far as children’s entertainment goes. In fact, they’re so good that they’re all my kids want to listen to. My life for the last two months has been nothing but a blur of Hot Potatoes, Fruit Salads, and caffeine pills. All I’m saying is that if a Wiggle approached me during my most exhausted moments – boom. I wouldn’t even think about it. I’d be like a frog snatching a fly.”
Collins sat down with our reporters to describe the toxic relationship she had been experiencing with the beloved group who has tirelessly entertained children for 28 years.
“Here’s the thing. I loved The Wiggles growing up. There’s no way I was going to deprive my kids of them. At
We asked Collins how her feelings about a band could be so complicated. “Take a look at my top three artists on Spotify. 3rd: Ariana Grande, with 20 plays this week. 2nd: Brand New, with 26 plays this week. 1st: The Motherfucking Wiggles, with 172 plays this week. I go to bed thinking of The Wiggles. I
“Over time, their songs start to sound funny in your brain. How come in one verse of ‘Fruit Salad’ they’re eating off plates, but then at the
By William Boffa, Photo Edit: Emily Sanchez