Fort Myers, FL —

The Department of Transportation and Lee County Sheriff’s Office have joined forces to fight an ever-growing traffic concern on portions of I-75 and other major traffic arteries in the area. A spokesman for the Sheriff’s Office told reporters that they knew they needed to do something, especially during the winter when the snowbirds fly south. “It is clearly a year-round issue, these slow-ass drivers camping out in the passing lane. It just gets worse, unbearable even, over the winter months with the snowbirds. Honestly, we can’t even figure out why these fuckers are on the road during rush hour anyway,” stated the FDOT representative.

In an effort to alleviate road rage and decrease the number of traffic accidents during peak driving times, employees of FDOT worked to turn twenty-three electronic road signs – originally reading “Slow Traffic Keep Right” and “Left Lane Only For Passing” -into clean, simple displays that read “Hurry the Fuck Up Please.” FDOT’s statement explained, “Year after year, the same bullshit led us to begin fresh with a more measured approach. The first step is the signs, but additionally, we’re looking into technology that actually displays warnings directly to people’s smartphones. This is especially efficient, because that’s where drivers tend to be looking anyway.”

“We really hope that by telling drivers to hurry the fuck up, it will lead to a smoother drive to and from work, and a more peaceful community at large.”

By Emily Cohen, Image Edit: Emily Cohen