Cambridge, MA —

In a groundbreaking finding that could change our fundamental understanding of the universe, astronomers have discovered an enormous clusterfuck at the center of the Milky Way Galaxy.

Originally thought to be a mere cosmic unpleasantness, the clusterfuck first came to astronomers’ attention last year, when a team of astronomers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology noticed unusual perturbations in a fiasco emanating from a constellation of fuckups near the galaxy’s center.  

“When we began to study the dysfunctional quagmire surrounding this Charlie Foxtrot, we had to ask ourselves if this wasn’t a sign of some larger, as-yet-undetected astronomical debacle,” said MIT astronomer Dr. Lawrence Kolodney.  “Once we explored further using the latest SNAFU technology, it became clear that we were looking at a FUBAR of unprecedented size.”  

Dr. Kolodney added that the clusterfuck is “spreading faster than a goddamn herd of wildebeests on fire and doesn’t give a rat’s ass.”

In hopes that they will soon be able to predict the expansion of this interstellar farce, scientists plan to further analyze the giant imbroglio by studying scale models of clusterfucks on earth, including the United States Senate.

By Joe Lichtblau, Photo Edit: Emily Sanchez

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