With conflicting stories coming from Hillary Clinton’s associates, voters remain unclear about whether or not Hilldogg will be considering another run in 2020. But now, to throw even more confusion into the mix, her website HillaryClinton.com has quietly dropped two brand new, never-before-seen ways Hillary is like your abuela.
There had been rumors circulating as far back as the midterms that Hillary was like your abuela in more than just the seven ways prudently provided on her website in 2015. Hillary herself had insisted that she leave reasons #8 and #9 off the original list. “It just seemed over-the-top to compliment myself nine times in a row. Seven sounded much better. Besides, I didn’t think the fact that I carry adobo seasoning in my purse was even something to brag about.” But today’s website unveiling shows that she may have changed her position on this issue.
This mysterious move of viral marketing has skyrocketed her approval rating to 93% and sent shockwaves through the political world, with Trump tweeting, “No more Clintons, no more abuelas!!!” Reason #9 (that she’s uncomfortable with dangerous driving) was described as “SO true!” by millions of middle-class white people. Although some members of Trump’s fiery base remained violent at the implication that Hillary still exists, the majority of them tweeted #ImWithHer in support. Due to lack of interest, the nation’s actual abuelas couldn’t be reached for comment.