Chow down on some ramen from your Christmas tree stand. The best part is that it holds an absolute fuck-load of ramen. What's the best kind of ramen? A fuck-load.
"Bernie Sanders is the most theoretically electable person in America today,” gushed visiting Rutland resident, Raymond Kotcher. “He is the greatest hypothetical candidate of my lifetime,” said Mr. Kotcher, noting that Sanders has "already been elected on Facebook."
Up to that point, the Jeopardy! Presidential Candidates Tournament had been moving along swiftly, as the contestants tore through categories such as “Maybe I Meant Indian Like Ghandi,” “America’s Problems Are All Tall, Venti, Or Grande,” “I Beat My Staff But Not In The Fun Way,” and “Everything I Touch Turns To Free.”
#8: She always carries adobo seasoning in her purse. #9: She's uncomfortable with how dangerously you drive.
"I can't imagine being that way. When a woman tells me that mansplaining exists, I make a special effort to hear her out, let her express herself fully, before slowly explaining to her how she's wrong."
My life motto was all about expanding my circle of compassion. But gradually, after thirty years being stuck in a low-paying job and an unfulfilling marriage, you learn that the safest thing to do is to take in your hand that circle of compassion and squeeze it into the size of a tiny, tiny raisin.
I ask that you free my slaves. If it's not too much trouble. I don't like to be a bother. Please let them know that they have been good slaves, and that I have valued them, despite never having paid them.