Legend has it that on the third Monday of every February, Abraham Lincoln crawls down the chimney to deliver The Gettysburg Address to all the good boys and girls. "It's here! It's here!" Little Timmy has waited all year for his favorite day when Abraham Lincoln shows up in his hat and beard and double-breasted wool … Continue reading Millions Of Children Giddily Excited For Washington’s Birthday
Many Americans agree with President Trump that the existence of nearby countries is a cause for national emergency. In You Debate!, Unsubscribed reaches out to its highly valued readers, and also to less valuable readers like you, to debate current affairs. YES!By Claudine Horseleap Lempke Growing up in the heartland of America, I never heard … Continue reading You Debate! Is It An Emergency That America Borders Other Countries?
"It went on forever and was excruciating," said Edwards. "I felt I needed drugs to stop the pain."
“We figure we can feed it scraps and leftovers. And the water bottle in the cage is pretty big so they should be able to share if we fill it once a day.”
One witness reported he even played the "Good Samaritan" by sticking his head out of his window to shout, "Move! You're why women shouldn't drive!"
By William Boffa, Picture Edit: Emily Sanchez
Amazon canceled plans to build a campus in New York City today. Despite Amazon claiming that the withdrawal will leave no trace, New Yorkers have heard that line before and remain concerned about ending up with a bunch of deliveries they didn't order. At press time, Amazon assured the public that it still fully intended … Continue reading Amazon Pulls Out On Valentine’s Day
Can't even give out candy because little Dylan may have a nut allergy and his throat will close up, or he'll get ADHD.
Dr. Kolodney added that the clusterfuck is “spreading faster than a goddamn herd of wildebeests on fire and doesn’t give a rat’s ass.”
Brooklyn, NY - Following his conviction on seventeen felony charges on Tuesday, Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán Loera took to the Internet yesterday to slam the Theodore Roosevelt Federal Courthouse with a scathing one-star review on Yelp. “I really wanted to like this place,” wrote El Chapo, “but everything about our tour was horribly disappointing.” El … Continue reading El Chapo Savages Brooklyn Federal Courthouse In Yelp Review