Awkward Pause On Set Of Jeopardy! As Kamala Harris Struggles To Choose Between Categories “I Time Traveled” And “I Smoked Weed While Prosecuting Drug Crimes”

Up to that point, the Jeopardy! Presidential Candidates Tournament had been moving along swiftly, as the contestants tore through categories such as “Maybe I Meant Indian Like Ghandi,” “America’s Problems Are All Tall, Venti, Or Grande,” “I Beat My Staff But Not In The Fun Way,” and “Everything I Touch Turns To Free.”

I Used To Be A Progressive Like You, But As You Get Older, You Become More Mature And Learn To Make Peace With People Freezing To Death

My life motto was all about expanding my circle of compassion. But gradually, after thirty years being stuck in a low-paying job and an unfulfilling marriage, you learn that the safest thing to do is to take in your hand that circle of compassion and squeeze it into the size of a tiny, tiny raisin.

Millions Of Children Giddily Excited For Washington’s Birthday

Legend has it that on the third Monday of every February, Abraham Lincoln crawls down the chimney to deliver The Gettysburg Address to all the good boys and girls. "It's here! It's here!" Little Timmy has waited all year for his favorite day when Abraham Lincoln shows up in his hat and beard and double-breasted wool … Continue reading Millions Of Children Giddily Excited For Washington’s Birthday