Lindsborg, KS —

A recent worldwide poll of barnyard animals revealed that 90% of sheep find the term “sheeple” offensive. As one sheep noted, in primitive hoofwriting, “Why use our species to describe habitual conformists? We’re free thinkers who, unlike humans, almost never poop in the same place twice.”

Other livestock, however, reported mixed feelings about the term. Among cows, 63% found “sheeple” objectionable, while a mere 24% of chickens were offended. One rooster was incredulous, telling researchers that his kind has it much worse. “You should hear how people use ‘cock,’ for heaven’s sake!”

Another sheep said that even as a lamb, she took issue with the idea that sheep are known for just unquestionably following each other around and jumping on bandwagons, so to speak. “Even at my young age, I am all about forging my own opinions and taking my own path. I’m not some gullible, easily-misled non-thinker. I’ve already vowed not to let myself be shorn, not to adopt ‘Baaaaah’ as the sound I make, and not to pose for cute baby animal pictures just because I saw my brother do it.” Friends confirmed that the lamb had, indeed, been known for individualistic behavior prior to her being slaughtered for veal.

By Holly Love