As a creative introvert, you probably know that you’re different from most people. You’re not like those drones who are happy to sit in a sea of cubicles. You’re independent. You do things your way. You don’t need structure, rules, or a living wage to be fulfilled. Here are just a few work-from-home jobs that are changing the way people live in complete destitution:

Freelance writing
Writing, such as blogging, content creation, or even freelance satire copywriting, is a great way to show your friends that they can go fuck themselves. “What do you do with your life? Oh, teacher? Veterinarian? I just couldn’t do that. I’m an introvert. I need creative outlets. That’s why I publish things on the internet.” Your friends will see your original content and think to themselves, “Wow. I wish I was smart enough to write things and then post them in the news feed.” Little will they know, you actually just laid in your own filth for eight hours and then quickly churned out the same bullshit you blogged about when you were 15. And with advertisers willing to pay as much as $0.06 per click, you’ll be the financial envy of anyone who is currently homeless!

Introverts are great listeners, which makes them perfect for online transcription. And with rates starting at $0.40 per audio minute, you can definitely make minimum wage if you learn to type really, really quickly! The best thing about transcription is the freedom to set your own hours. Yes, you end up stuck in an excruciating cycle where you have to type for 12 hours a day┬áto avoid eviction, but you’re free to choose when to allot those 12 hours, whether it’s in the AM, PM, or a little bit of both! Bonus: You can show up to work stoned and hungover and know that you won’t be disappointing anybody but your own miserable self.

Filming yourself eating a pair of headphones or something
You might not realize it, but there are opportunities to make money right here on your smartphone. Whether it be by taking photos of your shopping receipts, answering surveys, completing odd jobs, or eating a whole-ass set of AirPods or something, there are millions of ways companies are utilizing people like you who have free time and are willing to stoop to any level to scrape by without having to interact with someone.

Training crows to collect change
I know, this sounds like a long shot. But did you know that crows are some of the most intelligent animals on the planet? Through a simple reward system, you can utilize their affinity for shiny objects and train them to retrieve coinage and small bills for you. Don’t ask them where they got the money. Just hand over the bucket of mealworms and keep your mouth shut. You need this.

Literally dying
Seriously, you’ll show all those normies when you’re dead. They’ll be so jealous of how you get to stay inside all day, never worry about paying bills, and not have to deal with toxic people at your workplace. You can literally just crawl into a box and lie there until you die. It’s that simple! How is everyone not doing this already?