Sacramento, CA —

In a stunning move that has both shocked and thrilled drivers, lawmakers have finally realized what drivers on the West Coast have known for years: stopping, and the sign intended to guide drivers to a stop, is pointless.

Establishing a legal framework for the driving maneuver known as “the California roll,” city officials hope to ease traffic congestion, provided that too many out-of-state drivers don’t fuck it up for the rest of us.

Studies have shown that stop signs give way to a traffic pattern of fewer yields, the preferred pace to gridlock. Overall, the octagonal emblems have been just as ineffective at curbing reckless driving behavior as vandalizing those same signs has been at stopping “all war.” A sign-less area will necessitate more attention be paid to the road, which experts believe will yield a high yield of yields.

By Zachary James Wood