Portland, OR —

Local dog, Zeus, is concerned about the upcoming party being held by his owner, Albert. With any party almost always comes one socially-awkward person who, for some inconceivable reason, just shits the bed when it comes to interactions with fellow human beings and, instead of just sucking it up and not be a bitch about what to say, decides to go to the dog for company. Zeus wants to make it known that he is not at the party to be a goddamn crutch to some awkward motherfucker who came to a social gathering just to stand off in a corner somewhere. Zeus is suggesting this asshole just stay at home or go stand by the food and drinks area and just eat your awkwardness away. Many other pets have reported similar sentiments and grievances of having to bear the burden of a vexatious partygoer.

By Zach Englund