Just 48 hours after Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral burned down, American tech conglomerate AT&T has already stepped in to begin reconstruction on a “newer, bigger, holier supercathedral.”
Speaking to French newspaper Le Monde, the company’s CEO said, “The entire world is mourning the loss of this magnificent building. We wanted to take the nation’s grief and turn it into an opportunity to bring people together. And you know what brings people together? Faster network speeds. Affordable data plans. A brand new cell tower with 6G wireless internet. That’s why we hope the new AT&T Notre Dame Supercathedral can serve as a beacon of hope for the people of Paris. And also a literal beacon – you know, because of the satellite dish.”
While AT&T is planning to make slight alterations to the original design, they’re also committed to keeping the original spirit of Notre Dame alive.
“What you’re going to see is an aesthetic that’s very ‘retro-meets-modern.’ Imagine beautiful stained glass, but with multiple charging stations and our iconic AT&T logo. We’re taking medieval artworks and reenergizing them with cutting-edge networks. Not only are people going to be able to make pilgrimages to this holy building once again, but they’ll be able to remain constantly connected while they do.”
While this reconstruction is great news for AT&T and Catholics everywhere, disappointment was expressed by other competing bidders, including Snapchat and McDonald’s.
By William Boffa, Image Edit: Emily Sanchez