“Team Zombie” has now become the largest contingent of remaining Walking Dead viewers. “I started out watching this show nine years ago as a curiosity,” said one disgruntled former fan. “It was sort of like Gilligan’s Island, except with flesh-eating corpses. Now, it’s like the corpses ate all the castaways, and they have been replaced by random characters that nobody has ever heard of. I want this pile of shit to die a merciful death, and I don’t want it to come back reanimated. The only hope left is for the settlements to be overrun by walkers, who will simply massacre all of the remaining cast members.”

Another pissed-off viewer expressed confusion over the developments in the show over the past few years. “First, they bring in this asshole Negan to torture both the characters and the audience for two seasons. Then, they kill off whatever remaining likeable characters are left, jump ahead six years, and populate the show with a bunch of new people nobody cares about. Daryl is still there, but you know it is only a matter of time until Norman Reedus quits in a contract dispute, and we have to watch a half-season of ‘Daryl’s Very Special Final Episodes.’”

“Kill ’em all,” said another viewer. “Euthanize it and end the needless suffering of the actors and the audience. Let the walkers have the gore feast we have been praying for the past three seasons. I want to see a zombie munching on Carol’s left leg. I want to see Michonne’s pancreas being swallowed by an animated severed head. I want to see Gabriel being fucking devoured by a pack of slobbering, blood-crazed undead.”

Viewers did compliment the series on the acting of the zombies, who have increasingly become better developed than the human characters.  Walking Dead producers vow that the series will continue for the rest of eternity.

By Fred Gailey