Although most people think of Nipah virus as the cause of an often fatal, untreatable illness, sources close to the tiny RNA chain of nucleotides report that, in private, it is actually quite sociable and emotive.

“Everyone sees me as a zoonotic Henipavirus that causes encephalitic symptoms resulting in a 50% to 75% risk of death,” said Nipah. “Sure, but give me a sombrero, a margarita, and a conga line, and I’m party central! Also, I like to make these really delicate illustrations of orchids.”

Nipah asks that the friends and family of those it has killed try to forgive it, adding, “I’d like to reach out to each and every one of them and give them a big, loving hug, then enter their respiratory cells and replicate a few trillion times.“

By Joe Lichtblau