Dallas, TX—

Citing the success of Southwest Airlines’ “unassigned seat” policy, company spokesperson Linda Fung told reporters that starting last week, the computer systems were programmed to juggle customers’ names and itineraries so that no one ends up on the flight that they paid for.

“We figured why stop at surprising flyers with where their seat is,” explained Fung. “We’re going the extra mile and letting customers know where they’re going only after they arrive at the airport. A passenger may have thought they were headed to Oregon for a friend’s wedding, but they might actually end up in Tennessee for an Appalachian festival. Who knows?”

Passenger Dave Schwartz expressed concerns about the new policy. “My wife, three daughters and I thought we were all going to Disneyland together,” he said. “Instead, the four of them all got shipped off to Minneapolis while I spent a week alone in Malibu. How can I consistently make this happen?”

Fung says other changes are also in the works. “The sky’s the limit, if you’ll pardon the pun,” she said. “Our next policy to move forward with is ‘unassigned pilots’ so that some of our customers can get last minute seats by flying the planes themselves! The FAA may not have as nice a name for us, but we call ourselves innovators.”

By Holly Love