Caracas, Venezuela –
President Trump surprised the world this week by speaking out against Venezuela’s President Maduro, despite his general affinity for men who run authoritarian regimes.
“Like, damn,” said one observer. “Colombia is literally right next door massacring whole villages with private military groups and we don’t even know the name of their president. Trump has been openly licking the boots of Putin, Erdogan, and Kim like the beta male he is. Then there are the five billion dictators in Africa and Asia that he’s never even heard of. But all of a sudden, Trump and the media are getting rage-boners over Maduro? Looks like another foreign petrostate is about to get some freedom.”
Critics warn that the constant media coverage of Venezuela is simply a long-term strategy to drum up public support for military intervention. “We haven’t started a proper, full-blown invasion in over a decade,” said Trump’s media strategist. “Unfortunately, the American public has been rather anti-invasion lately. In fact, there’s a radical new wave of Gen-Z and millennials who believe in this horrifying notion of respecting Latin America’s sovereignty. But look, I was around in the ’80s. Throw the word ‘socialism’ around enough times, and sooner or later Americans want blood.”
Sources have also revealed that Trump is threatening to unseat the brutal dictatorship in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Ha ha! Just kidding.
By Fred Gailey and William Boffa