CAMDEN, NJ—Used car salesman Barry Simmons may not be using his design degree from Carnegie Mellon University at work, but it’s not going to waste. Case in point: the 32-year-old bachelor’s flawlessly mildewed bathroom. The space is artfully adorned in the most popular motif spreading fast among single male millennials – Fungal Shui.

Upon entering one smells the perfect mélange of musty towels and washcloths mixed with a moldy vintage shower curtain. This is sharply accented by a rush of black spores that seem to leap and dance off of the tile grout. “I could have gone with just one or two elements,” said Simmons. “But I’ve always been about the layering of concepts, and those in this room seemed to just organically grow together all on their own.”
Hence the bathroom’s rugs – Simmons is careful not to ever wash them, so that they always impart a decidedly moist je ne sais quoi to the bare feet. The fungus on his toothbrush and hairbrush help integrate the flow into a living, breathing, almost glow-in-the-dark sacred space.

“I stay true to the ancient Chinese art and science of it all,” explained Simmons. “I’m always throwing out the cleaning products my roommate keeps buying, and I took out the exhaust fan to keep everything nice and humid.”

As a complement to an already exceptional ensemble, Simmons often eats a meal in his bathroom in hopes that the current roach infestation will ramp up from light to heavy. “Although with dishes piling up in the bathroom sink,” he says, “it’s harder to appreciate the slimy scum on the metal ring around the drain. But I’ll figure it out.”

By Holly Love