Naples, FL —
Despite several phone calls home about 18-year-old Michael Bradford’s excessive unexcused absences, complete lack of effort on the few days he does attend some of his classes, and his loathsome personality and behavior, parents Rich and Cindy Bradford have requested a parent conference with only eight days until the last day of school for seniors.
“We simply cannot understand how our Michael can be in danger of not graduating with honors,” Mrs. Bradford said to exasperated senior adviser Colten Hixenbough. “It seems like you all really dropped the ball with our boy, there. His father and I need to sit down with his teachers to straighten this mess out. We’ll be there Friday afternoon.”
Hixenbough pointed out that Bradford missed 48 days this year, and has failed every academic class since 10th grade. He even managed to fail his final Ceramics project. His pinch pot was not pinched. Even though that was all he did all year long, the teacher still gave him a B, of course. “So, can we expect Michael at the conference?”
“Oh, no. This would stress him out too much. We’d really like to sit down with his government, English, and math teachers. We know he knows this stuff, and they’re just being unreasonable. I looked at his grades online, and he doesn’t even have any. They’re all just zeros. If they’d just find a way to reach him, maybe he would stop smoking in his bedroom all day, and turn up to class,” Mrs. Bradford explained on the phone.
While Cindy Bradford finalized the conference time, Rich Bradford banged out a heated email to that fucking government teacher, Mrs. Rowe with the subject line, “Fix My Kid’s Grades, Bitch.”
Graduation is at noon on May, 25th at the yacht club. Michael is very excited.