By George Gordon

This constant worrying about offending people is ruining the modern workplace. It’s not like it was back in the good ol’ days where the boss used to tickle your testicles for nailing your presentation, or when Cindy from Sales would meet her quota and you’d tell her ‘great work’ with a solid motorboating.

OK, I get that the scrotum slapping was a bit much, but no more sword fighting? After a successful conference call, the guys and I used to just whip ’em out for a hearty round, but now there’s all these memos saying we can’t even do that? It’s not like we forced anyone into it. Hell, people are so uptight nowadays that we can’t even goose each other anymore. 

Athletes usually slap each other on the bottom, but office workers can’t even just give a tender tushie touch for a job well done anymore? If we don’t watch ourselves, the workplace is going to end up being a place just for working.