Montreal, QC —

According to witnesses on the scene, Furball, an eight-month-old gerbil who, until a few moments ago, led a placid life caged in seventh-grader Talia Urman’s bedroom, just had his curiosity about the inner workings of the Urman family vacuum cleaner more than satiated.

As one source explained, Furball rather impetuously enrolled in, and almost immediately graduated from, an interactive, hands-on, crash course in the dynamics of fan-generated hydraulic suction as incorporated into a consumer appliance environment.

It is reported that Furball had also been hoping to gain a deeper understanding of the Urman family’s trash compactor. Sources say that, following his unexpected schooling in air-drawn technology, the dazed or perhaps fatally compromised gerbil was fished out of the vacuum cleaner and given an all-encompassing lesson in kitchen-based, motor-driven chamber compression which almost certainly left him with no remaining questions concerning that area of knowledge.

By Joe Lichtblau