According to sources close to the scene, a human embryo in its eighth week of development has been frantically checking at least once an hour to see if it is developing a rights-conferring penis.
“I’ve been absorbing quite a few essential proteins, as well as some very sobering news,” said the raspberry-sized embryo. “Namely, that I better have this penis thing if I want to have the rights thing.”
The embryo asked to remain unnamed for this article, explaining “I don’t have a name, because I haven’t been born yet,” but did reveal that its preferred pronoun is “it.”
Sources say the embryo has become concerned because it has no idea what “rights” are and not much of a better idea of what a “penis” is either.
“I believe it’s something that grows between your legs, no?“ said the embryo. “I’m pretty sure the legs are those things there. Oh wait, that might be an arm or possibly a bronchial tube.”
As press-time neared, sources report the embryo was “ecstatic,” because it had just spotted a distinct protuberance that appeared to be “somewhere down there.”
However, a source with intimate knowledge of the situation told this reporter, “She’s going to be severely disappointed when she finds out that she was just looking at her own nose.”
By Joe Lichtblau