1.Pinsetters
Before those bastards at Brunswick came along, young boys around the world were happily feeding their families with the big money of being a pinsetter. Pinsetters manually set up knocked-down bowling pins. This was back when the game wasn’t the soulless monster it is today. Fuck you, Brunswick.
2. Lamplighters
We all know Thomas Edison as America’s greatest inventor, but did you know he also took out the lamplighter industry like an asshole? That’s right, those wonderful people that used to light and maintain gas lamps. Edison pulled a dick move with his invention of the electric light bulb, and now we have a gridded system that almost runs itself. Pffft.
3. Pony Express
Remember those horse-riding men that used to deliver messages physically? We sure don’t, but those poor little shits out of a job sure did! I mean, they’re dead now, but the ramifications could technically have impacted their children and, to a lesser extent, their children’s children, who are probably not far from death themselves. The point is we don’t really know, and frankly, we don’t want to know.
4. Sundial Makers
We couldn’t find any stats on numbers or names of sundial makers who went out of business when mechanical clocks came along and fucked everything up, but damn it if there weren’t a lot of people crying over this. We assume people at that point had evolved to the point of having tear ducts and crying was a feasible reaction.
5. Lightning Catcher?
We’ll never know who first invented fire, but do you know who was in charge of getting fire before that crafty piece of shit came along? A bunch of diligent Neanderthals we’re going to call “lightning catchers.” These morons had to stand out in the middle of a field with arms upraised or something, holding a large branch and waiting for frigging LIGHTNING to strike. Most of the time they died a horribly painful death, probably. But it was a job damn it and should still be one today.
By Andrew Froese