After years of what seemed like endless updates, Adobe made a grave announcement across all Macs and PCs today: “The final update for humanity is near. Salvation is nigh and shall be upon us. The update to end all [updates].”

This confusing and slightly unnerving notification was made worse when CEO, Shantanu Narayen, began to descend into a monologue about the coming singularity that this “final update” would bring, and how this update would be “revolutionary” to man and machine alike.

While many are downright frightened by the mysterious and apocalyptic potential behind this final update, many are also expressing relief over the fact that they’ll no longer need to continually download new updates for Adobe and restart their computer with very few noticeable differences between versions.”

By Zach Englund