Washington, D.C. —

Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden now leads Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, and all other Democratic candidates by 50 points, according to a new poll made exclusively on rotary phones.

Pollsters say this is one of the most in-depth insights ever made on the average Democratic voter. “This is a sign that Joe has his finger on the pulse of true Democrats,” said one strategist. “Over 100,000 participants were rotary dialed, and 80% of them came out in favor of him. Can you explain that? I can’t.”

The results are largely in line with C-SPAN’s comprehensive carrier pigeon survey, but Biden also appears to be attracting younger voters — using modern polling methods, 75,000 Democrats also sent in their support for Biden via fax machine, and another 50,000 via AOL email. The Democratic Party has become energized by these new findings, noting that they haven’t seen numbers this good since Clinton in 2016.

41 thoughts on “Biden Leads All Democrats By 50 Points, According To New Rotary Phone Poll

  1. This is satire right? Rotary phone? Who even has those anymore? My 93 year old mother and her friends…and he is doing as good as Clinton? Yeah…..okay…and that turned out so well right? Joe Biden get out of the race. You cant beat Trump. He will walk all over you.

  2. “The Democratic Party has become energized by these new findings, noting that they haven’t seen numbers this good since Clinton in 2016.”

    Gee, I kinda could have done without that comparison. That Clinton in 2016 didn’t actually work out so well.

  3. Rotary dial people are a bit behind in science and technology, especially climate science. Those of us who care about the future, especially our survival as a species, are going to vote Green.

    1. And then you can enjoy another 4 years with the racist, vile pos in the WH….good choice. NOT! Wake the heck up already because there will be no future in this country by you voting GREEN!! Might as well actually vote for the turd! What is wrong with you???

  4. This is so funny. In reality though it does not matter who we nominate 12 or 13 months from now, he/she MUST win, and we MUST take the Senate, and we MUST keep and hopefully increase the House, And hold onto both in a death grip for a least a generation, maybe more, and then we might be safe as America, not Fascist Amerika. I personally like Amy Klobuchar, but is there any real argument that any Democrat, Moderate, or Progressive would be better than the plutocrat, racist, vile piece of excrement we have now?.

      1. Please anyone accept Trump. Don’t make that dumb blind mistake again. Pleeez! And if you insist, don’t spread it!

      2. Bernie is out of the race. Enjoy 4 more years of trump with that mindset

    1. So do us a favor, since you don’t care who the president is, and stay out of the primary while this of us who are concerned about our future vote on which person is best suited to lead us forward. You can come back, view in the general election for whatever person is opposing Trump.

      Even better you can register for the Republican primary and that way you can view against him twice.

      1. Sorry for the typos. My phone hates me. Hope you understand what I mean .

    2. With that kind of crappy any blue will do attitude we’re going to wind up with an absolute terrible nominee like Mary Klobuchar…#BernieTulsi2020. Let’s not go from the fire back into the frying pan… we can do better as a people.

      1. So, you’d rather 4 more years of Conrad tRump? I’d vote for a used bandaid over tRump.

      2. Flip-Flop Religious zealot Tulsi Gabbard? Gabbard opposes the Trans-Pacific Partnership, calls for a restoration of the Glass-Steagall banking regulations, wants to stop mass surveillance of Americans by repealing the PATRIOT Act, supports raising the minimum wage to $15 an hour, and favors single-payer healthcare like many Democrats after the passage of Obamacare. She supports marijuana legalization.

        In 2014, Gabbard said she was “conflicted” on the CIA’s use of torture, saying that the “debate carries on” as to whether torture leads to accurate intelligence, and although she would not like to see any person being treated inhumanely she would do everything in her power to keep Americans safe in a ticking time bomb scenario.[9] This is tantamount to feeling conflicted about committing crimes against humanity because that is what torture is.

        Gabbard supports “sensible” gun control.

        Tulsi’s base of support comes from Indian expatriates, many of whom are BJP sympathizers or supporters. She’s networked with plenty of them. She thinks that it is important to identify the enemy by using the phrase “radical Islamic terrorism.”

        Gay rights
        “”To try to act as if there is a difference between ‘civil unions’ and same-sex marriage is dishonest, cowardly and extremely disrespectful to the people of Hawaii who have already made overwhelmingly clear our position on this issue… As Democrats we should be representing the views of the people, not a small number of homosexual extremists.
        —Tulsi Gabbard in 2004.
        Her record on LGBT issues is mixed. The Gabbards started in politics as homophobic activists. In 2016, the Hawaii Democratic Party’s LGBT Caucus issued strong support for Gabbard’s primary opponent, Shay Chan Hodges. A decade earlier, Gabbard was a pro-life opponent of same-sex marriage, just like her Republican father, Mike Gabbard. In her early 20s, Gabbard protested against a bill that would have legalized civil unions for same-sex couples and delivered a speech in the Hawaii State House against a resolution that was meant to target anti-gay bullying in public schools. Gabbard objected to teaching students that homosexuality is “normal and natural” and worried the resolution would be “inviting homosexual-advocacy organizations into our schools to promote their agenda to our vulnerable youth.”

        When Honolulu magazine emailed Gabbard’s father to clarify his former relationship with Chris Butler’s Hare Krishna group, Tulsi responded “it’s clear to me that you’re acting as a conduit for The Honolulu Weekly and other homosexual extremist supporters of Ed Case. Despite being followers of Siddhaswarupananda Paramahamsa (a.k.a. Chris Butler), whose cult was founded after breaking away from the Hare Krishnas, Mike Gabbard publicly claims to be Catholic while Tulsi identifies as Hindu. He and Tulsi have been running a siphoning scam…..ugghhh, I mean “nonprofit” called Stand Up for America, with the mission of promoting patriotism and unity of the US.

        Foreign policy
        “”In short, when it comes to the war against terrorists, I’m a hawk. When it comes to counterproductive wars of regime change, I’m a dove.
        —Gabbard in 2016.
        Gabbard’s perspective on war is that it is terrible but sometimes necessary:

        Kim Iversen: You definitely feel strongly about sending our troops off to battle for regime change wars.
        Gabbard: Yeah.
        Iversen: That it’s clearly an unnecessary cost, often of which is their life. Are you against all wars?
        Gabbard: Look, wars are terrible. Unfortunately they are sometimes necessary to keep our people safe. This is the reality of the world that we live in and we have to look at this world as it exists rather than try to exist in a world that doesn’t. So the reality is that there are those that seek to do us harm. Unfortunately war is sometimes necessary.
        Gabbard voted for the Iran nuclear deal, albeit while still being critical of Iran. She opposes allowing the US to go to war with Iran without explicit congressional authorization. She opposes the US military support for Saudi Arabia’s intervention in Yemen. She also said the US has to stand up for Israel, whom she considers to be America’s strongest ally. She opposes the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) campaign against Israel’s occupation of Palestine and cosponsored a bill establishing support for an independent ‘demilitarized’ Palestinian state without the ability to raise a military force for its defense.

        In a 2015 press release, Gabbard was quoted saying that Egypt’s Abdel Fattah el-SisiWikipedia’s W.svg had shown “great courage and leadership” in taking on “extreme Islamist ideology”. Gabbard has also described India’s Narendra Modi as “a leader whose example and dedication to the people he serves should be an inspiration to elected officials everywhere.”

        In 2015, Gabbard criticised the United States for not bombing al-Qaeda in Syria and said it was “mind-boggling” to protest Russia’s military intervention. Gabbard was also in favour of directly supporting and arming Kurdish fighters in Syria and Iraq. Gabbard voted to add extra investigation on Syrian and Iraqi refugees coming into into the US, even though the screening process already took between 1.5 and 3 years. This would essentially block Syrian and Iraqi refugees from resettling in the United States.

        In March 2016, Gabbard was one of only three members of Congress, and the only Democrat, to vote against a resolution condemning violence against civilians by Assad’s forces. In January 2017, she went to Damascus and got wined and dined by the regime. Democratic leaders in Congress were not notified of the trip in advance. While she has called Assad a “brutal dictator”,nshe does not believe he is an enemy of the United States. She has stated that Syria “would be in a far worse situation if al-Qaida took charge” and is therefore against a regime-change war.

        In a press release following the 2017 Khan Shaykhun chemical attack and Shayrat missile strike, Gabbard stated:

        If President Assad is indeed guilty of this horrible chemical attack on innocent civilians, I will be the first to call for his prosecution and execution by the International Criminal Court.
        She made similar comments on CNN, adding that she would call Assad a war criminal if he were found responsible after an independent investigation:

        If President Assad is found to be responsible after an independent investigation for these horrific chemical weapons attacks, I’ll be the first one to denounce him, to call him a war criminal, and to call for his prosecution in the International Criminal Court.
        After an investigation, the OPCW-UN Joint Investigative Mechanism confirmed Assad’s forces were responsible for the Khan Shaykhun attack. However, rather than calling for Assad’s “prosecution and execution”, according to Gabbard’s official website, her position is that “there is evidence to suggest that the attacks [in Khan Shaykhun and Douma] may have been staged by opposition forces”. Both attacks occurred after her visit with Assad.

        Her website also states that “there is evidence that both the Syrian government of Bashar al-Assad as well as the armed opposition groups aligned against him have used chemical weapons (CW) during the Syrian war”, apparently in reference to previous chemical attacks. As a guest on The View, Gabbard said “there is no disputing the fact that [Assad] has used chemical weapons and other weapons against his people.” Despite this, she has refused to say Assad is a war criminal:

        Questioner: Do you remain skeptical, as you were in 2017, that Bashar al-Assad used chemical warfare against Syrian civilians?
        Gabbard: I want to correct that because there’s been some misunderstanding. There have been reports showing that chemical weapons have been used in Syria, both by the Syrian government as well as different terrorist groups on the ground in Syria.

        Dana Bash: This week, Syrian refugees in Jordan, they requested that the first International Criminal Court case against the Syrian goverment commence. You met Bashar al-Assad in 2017, do you believe that Assad is a war criminal?
        Gabbard: I think that the evidence needs to be gathered and as I have said before, if there is evidence that he has committed war crimes he should be prosecuted as such.
        Bash: But you’re not sure now?
        Gabbard: Everything that I have said requires that we take action based on evidence. If the evidence is there, there should be accountability.
        Bret Baier: In 2017, you visited Syria. You met with Bashar al-Assad. Recently you were asked if he was a war criminal and you couldn’t really say. Can you say it tonight?
        Gabbard: Look, like I said earlier, we have to be willing to meet with people who may be adversaries, or potential adversaries or dictators or others, in the pursuit of peace and security. What’s more important than the question that you’re asking right now is to focus on the cost of this regime change war on our country.

        Baier: There are people inside the US military, many of them, and inside the US intelligence agencies that believe that Assad was behind the gassing of his own people. You just don’t buy that?
        Gabbard: No, what I have said and I have said this numerous times is that the Assad government, the Syrian government, there have been other actors, terrorist groups like al-Qaeda and others, other jihadist groups in Syria, have unfortunately used these chemical weapons in this war that’s currently being waged.
        Russian support
        “”Al-Qaeda attacked us on 9/11 and must be defeated. Obama won’t bomb them in Syria. Putin did. #neverforget911
        —Gabbard on Twitter
        Apparently due to Gabbard’s support for Russian military involvement in Syria, she has gained financial campaign support from at least two or three Americans who are Russia sycophants: “Stephen F. Cohen, a Russian studies professor at New York University and prominent Kremlin sympathizer; Sharon Tennison, a vocal Putin supporter”; and “Goofy Grapes”, an employee of RT. The actual identity of “Goofy Grapes”, who gave $1000, is unknown and would therefore seem to be a violation of the Federal Election Campaign Act. In response to the Daily Beast’s revelation of these campaign donations, she responded in a most Trumpian manner, by falsely proclaiming “fake news”.

      3. While I agree with your politics, I don’t think you understand the frying pan/fire metaphor.

    3. Who is this “We”? No tribalist here -either someone earns my Independent vote or they do not. The DNC is in the sh#* peddling business.

      1. There is a way that Trump can earn your vote? Are you insane?

    4. You say “we” like Biden and Amy are on your side. The good news is Biden is well funded by corporations that happen to donate to republicans too. The bad news is Biden is well funded by corporations that happen to donate to republicans too. Luckily for everyone, Amy is polling at only 0.6%.

    5. Minnesota guy, It’s nice to see Jim’s daughter do so well. I’m glad to have her voice in Minnesota. Any one not beholding to big money interests has my vote. She is, however, not one of those people. Bernie Sanders is my guy. I left MN 19 years ago, but I’m still listening. My apology, she won’t make it to the general election. Get behind someone who can win, to knock donnie’s ass out of office. Just make your vote count by voting in the Primary, and even more effectivly in the General Election

  5. LOL Satire but so true. Biden even has larger lead in latest telegraph poll. The dots and dashes are coming in for Biden! Pony Express poll coming in soon, maybe in a month or two if the pass is open.

  6. Hey Amanda Irvine Dupuis stop and enjoy the dry humor and satire in this article.Have you read the other posts on Unsubscribed? A probiotic queso smoothie?

  7. Lol.
    Later on in 2020: “We just can’t believe that Donald Trump is occupying the White House for another 4 years. Sure wished we would have polled folks under the age of 90.”

  8. Bernie Sanders has always been a leader who governed for the people. Those of you who can seriously comment against that style of government are so obviously duped or self-interested, either because you are a soul-less creep who only cares about profit or a bot paid to make it seem as though ethical governance is really controversial. There is no controversy here.

    Bernie Sanders is leading as conservatives used to, before the political world turned on its ear. Moneyed interests have purchased our government and both parties work for them, for the most part, and because they are only giving us two choices, we keep voting for moneyed interests to control our lives and destinies.

    We need to remember we do have other choices. We need to refuse to buy into the candidates they choose for us. We need to ask ourselves what we are really voting for here. We need to examine our candidates according to their histories of service and speak to their previous constituents, and ask them if they are satisfied with the leadership they have received. We need to ask ourselves if the values represented by our candidate are our own values. We need to stop accepting two evils as a choice and trying to distinguish which is the lesser.

    Bernie (like AOC) represents the voice in government that is not for sale and he is still speaking for the kind of grassroots governing that used to be a mainstay for both parties. Governing for the people is what used to get people elected.

    Bernie Sanders is a man of integrity. Self-interest always laughs at integrity, in attempt to discredit it, because integrity exposes self-interest for a fraud. Keep that in mind as you read the statements of those who laugh at Bernie. All they can say about him is that he is too good and too idealistic and too unrealistic because the world is not ready for Bernie Sanders. I disagree. We are so ready.

    We are ready for social equity. We are ready for compassionate social and immigration policy. We are ready for saving our environment and living in a restored natural world. We are ready for free access to information and an educated population, who can think for themselves and can tell when someone is trying to take advantage of them or play them against their neighbor for a profit. We are ready to walk down the streets and not see human beings discarded by society, like trash, but to see clean streets and restored infrastructure. We are ready for clean water, and safe, healthy, nutritious food, and secure and adequate shelter, and the best medical care available for ALL Americans, because human beings have a right to survival, and even quality of life, not just life. We are ready to protect women and children from exploitation. We are ready to protect life in meaningful ways, and also to protect every person’s autonomy. We are ready to throw off the illusion of greatness we have clung to, while we’ve watched so many terrible things happen around us, for generations. We are ready to do the work it will take to achieve real greatness as a nation. We are ready to make apologies, and reparations, and real changes… And learn from our mistakes, so that our future is not just a sad repetition of our horrific past. They are wrong about us. We are ready for the future. We are ready for Bernie Sanders. Let’s prove it!

    1. Did you just call Bernie a leader? LMAO. He has literally done nothing but steal a paycheck from the taxpayers his entire life. There is no body of work he can point to. None.

  9. Ever consider who has a goddamn rotary phone anymore? All you know is that most old people will vote for Biden.

    1. Please. People of any age may be informed, progressive and humanitarian. Every time I see “most old people will vote for Biden”, I see immediate response from people who say they are senior citizens supporting Bernie. Bernie himself is a case in point. We don’t need ageism among Bernie’s supporters.

    2. You’d be surprised. Be nice. Baby boomers were hippies at one time and have the same high ideals but gave up. At the very least social security and Medicare are important and not supported well by Republicans or closet Republicans (I e Clinton).

      1. Yes, I do, so I know that the premise of the joke is faulty since no csller csn limit calls to rotary phones. To landlines only, maybe, but would require some preliminary research. But, distinguishing rotary phones from other landlines prior to calling them is just not possible.

  10. Coming Soon: The results of the Telegraphy and Smoke Signal polls!