Washington, D.C. —

Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden now leads Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, and all other Democratic candidates by 50 points, according to a new poll made exclusively on rotary phones.

Pollsters say this is one of the most in-depth insights ever made on the average Democratic voter. “This is a sign that Joe has his finger on the pulse of true Democrats,” said one strategist. “Over 100,000 participants were rotary dialed, and 80% of them came out in favor of him. Can you explain that? I can’t.”

The results are largely in line with C-SPAN’s comprehensive carrier pigeon survey, but Biden also appears to be attracting younger voters — using modern polling methods, 75,000 Democrats also sent in their support for Biden via fax machine, and another 50,000 via AOL email. The Democratic Party has become energized by these new findings, noting that they haven’t seen numbers this good since Clinton in 2016.

20 thoughts on “Biden Leads All Democrats By 50 Points, According To New Rotary Phone Poll

  1. This is so funny. In reality though it does not matter who we nominate 12 or 13 months from now, he/she MUST win, and we MUST take the Senate, and we MUST keep and hopefully increase the House, And hold onto both in a death grip for a least a generation, maybe more, and then we might be safe as America, not Fascist Amerika. I personally like Amy Klobuchar, but is there any real argument that any Democrat, Moderate, or Progressive would be better than the plutocrat, racist, vile piece of excrement we have now?.

    1. So do us a favor, since you don’t care who the president is, and stay out of the primary while this of us who are concerned about our future vote on which person is best suited to lead us forward. You can come back, view in the general election for whatever person is opposing Trump.

      Even better you can register for the Republican primary and that way you can view against him twice.

      1. Sorry for the typos. My phone hates me. Hope you understand what I mean .

    2. With that kind of crappy any blue will do attitude we’re going to wind up with an absolute terrible nominee like Mary Klobuchar…#BernieTulsi2020. Let’s not go from the fire back into the frying pan… we can do better as a people.

    3. Who is this “We”? No tribalist here -either someone earns my Independent vote or they do not. The DNC is in the sh#* peddling business.

    4. You say “we” like Biden and Amy are on your side. The good news is Biden is well funded by corporations that happen to donate to republicans too. The bad news is Biden is well funded by corporations that happen to donate to republicans too. Luckily for everyone, Amy is polling at only 0.6%.

  2. LOL Satire but so true. Biden even has larger lead in latest telegraph poll. The dots and dashes are coming in for Biden! Pony Express poll coming in soon, maybe in a month or two if the pass is open.

  3. Hey Amanda Irvine Dupuis stop and enjoy the dry humor and satire in this article.Have you read the other posts on Unsubscribed? A probiotic queso smoothie?

  4. Lol.
    Later on in 2020: “We just can’t believe that Donald Trump is occupying the White House for another 4 years. Sure wished we would have polled folks under the age of 90.”

  5. Bernie Sanders has always been a leader who governed for the people. Those of you who can seriously comment against that style of government are so obviously duped or self-interested, either because you are a soul-less creep who only cares about profit or a bot paid to make it seem as though ethical governance is really controversial. There is no controversy here.

    Bernie Sanders is leading as conservatives used to, before the political world turned on its ear. Moneyed interests have purchased our government and both parties work for them, for the most part, and because they are only giving us two choices, we keep voting for moneyed interests to control our lives and destinies.

    We need to remember we do have other choices. We need to refuse to buy into the candidates they choose for us. We need to ask ourselves what we are really voting for here. We need to examine our candidates according to their histories of service and speak to their previous constituents, and ask them if they are satisfied with the leadership they have received. We need to ask ourselves if the values represented by our candidate are our own values. We need to stop accepting two evils as a choice and trying to distinguish which is the lesser.

    Bernie (like AOC) represents the voice in government that is not for sale and he is still speaking for the kind of grassroots governing that used to be a mainstay for both parties. Governing for the people is what used to get people elected.

    Bernie Sanders is a man of integrity. Self-interest always laughs at integrity, in attempt to discredit it, because integrity exposes self-interest for a fraud. Keep that in mind as you read the statements of those who laugh at Bernie. All they can say about him is that he is too good and too idealistic and too unrealistic because the world is not ready for Bernie Sanders. I disagree. We are so ready.

    We are ready for social equity. We are ready for compassionate social and immigration policy. We are ready for saving our environment and living in a restored natural world. We are ready for free access to information and an educated population, who can think for themselves and can tell when someone is trying to take advantage of them or play them against their neighbor for a profit. We are ready to walk down the streets and not see human beings discarded by society, like trash, but to see clean streets and restored infrastructure. We are ready for clean water, and safe, healthy, nutritious food, and secure and adequate shelter, and the best medical care available for ALL Americans, because human beings have a right to survival, and even quality of life, not just life. We are ready to protect women and children from exploitation. We are ready to protect life in meaningful ways, and also to protect every person’s autonomy. We are ready to throw off the illusion of greatness we have clung to, while we’ve watched so many terrible things happen around us, for generations. We are ready to do the work it will take to achieve real greatness as a nation. We are ready to make apologies, and reparations, and real changes… And learn from our mistakes, so that our future is not just a sad repetition of our horrific past. They are wrong about us. We are ready for the future. We are ready for Bernie Sanders. Let’s prove it!

    1. Did you just call Bernie a leader? LMAO. He has literally done nothing but steal a paycheck from the taxpayers his entire life. There is no body of work he can point to. None.

  6. Ever consider who has a goddamn rotary phone anymore? All you know is that most old people will vote for Biden.

    1. Please. People of any age may be informed, progressive and humanitarian. Every time I see “most old people will vote for Biden”, I see immediate response from people who say they are senior citizens supporting Bernie. Bernie himself is a case in point. We don’t need ageism among Bernie’s supporters.

    2. You’d be surprised. Be nice. Baby boomers were hippies at one time and have the same high ideals but gave up. At the very least social security and Medicare are important and not supported well by Republicans or closet Republicans (I e Clinton).

  7. Coming Soon: The results of the Telegraphy and Smoke Signal polls!

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