Just look at him.
According to sources close to the scene, a human embryo in its eighth week of development has been frantically checking at least once an hour to see if it is developing a rights-conferring penis.
"The café must know that classy middle-aged mothers will go apeshit for a granola with TWO superfoods in the title. And they know that every single one of them is going to butcher the pronunciation. This has got to be some kind of sick joke."
The Department concluded, “We look forward to the diminishing numbers of educational debt over the coming millennia, and hopefully we will get there before being completely enslaved by our imminent robot overlords.”
Multiple media entities in the state of Florida issued a joint statement today reminding citizens which state they were in, after nearly two whole days without an embarrassing news story.
"He shared a meme depicting Michelle Obama as a gorilla. What the fuck Grandpa, she hasn't been First Lady for like two years."
She is now forever enshrined in our hearts, and in this block of ice.
Of course, this was way back when. It's ancient history now. It's been at least two months.