Everybody knows dads love smokes. But which nicotine delivery device will he remember you by, as he draws his last dying gasp from lung cancer? Choosing the perfect Father’s Day tobacco product requires you to understand Dad’s personality.
Boomer Dad
If your dad is on his third marriage, and your mom is twenty years younger, your dad is a “baby boomer.” He loves to spend his time bitching about millennials, even though he doesn’t seem to realize you are a millennial. He is known to get into fistfights when strangers mistake him for your grandpa. He loves to talk about his rebellious youth, when he isn’t complaining about disrespectful kids. Your dad is a badass. Give him Camel Non-Filters: the best cigarette to blow smoke in the faces of PC snowflakes.
Gen X Dad
If your dad pretends to be your pal, and drags you to a U2 concert, he is probably “Gen X.” Gen X dads don’t realize they are old, and try to relate to you and your friends as peers. They will try to get you to listen to their music, watch their movies, and they will insist that shit is cool. Best to ignore them except on special occasions, such as Father’s Day. This dad will appreciate the organic tobacco used in American Spirit products. He will rest easier knowing that his COPD was caused solely by all-natural toxins.
Hipster Dad
Hipster dads are too cool to smoke traditional cigarettes, and they don’t need to start a forest fire with hot ashes touching their waxed mustache. They buy make-your-own-meade kits on Amazon, and describe most modern bands as “derivative.” Go for the THC E-Juice – All Natural THC Oil Infused Vape. He will appreciate it, although he will refuse to acknowledge you as cool.
Distant Dad
If your dad sits in front of the TV watching sports, drinking beer, and communicating solely by grunts, get the cheapest cigarettes at the store, and stock up on as many as you can afford. Never let Distant Dad run out of cigarettes, because if he goes out for a pack of smokes, you will never see him again. We suggest Viceroy, or whatever abominable generic that the liquor store carries on the bottom shelf.