Following President Trump’s tweet that he “met with the Prince of Whales,” Unsubscribed reached out to the Deep Atlantic Shelf for a response.

Who? I’ve never seen or even heard of a Donald J. Trump. 


Excuse me. Echolocation. Anyway, this Trump thing — what is it? It sounds like some kind of bottom feeder. Maybe it got me confused with a giant squid? I get hella confused when my blowhole’s clogged. Has anyone checked Trump’s blowhole?

Maybe I’ll recognize this Trump’s face. Have you got a picture of it? Here, hold that up to my left eye so I can…..holy shit!! Makes the blobfish look good. That thing on its head — does it use that to catch algae? And hey, I’m just a big, dumb cetacean, but even I know you don’t wear a white vest five inches below black tails. 

You say it’s your leader? Jesus Christ. It’s got pretty tiny fins for a leader. I assume you picked it because there was a shortage of qualified snails?

What’s this? You’re saying it tweeted about me? Not for nothing, but I don’t tweet. I WWWOOoooowwwOO.

Anyway, nope. Never seen it before, never heard of it, never even echolocated around it. We make a point to keep our monarchy underwater – the ocean is better than a swamp.


By Joe Lichtblau