GENEVA —

Local helium atoms were overheard scoffing at the harlot hydrogen atom that was seen sharing its only electron with nearly any other atom that came its way. It was overheard in the noble gas community that this promiscuous atom was seen engaging in bonds with oxygen, carbon, fluoride, and even other hydrogen atoms all in less than a week — sometimes even combining with multiple partners in a single instance of sharing its electron like the nasty, microscopic floozy it is, in depraved acts like H2O, HNO, and the most foul act of HN4OH. “Frankly, it’s revolting,” a local helium atom exclaimed, denouncing the actions of the hydrogen atom. “Whatever happened to common decency and the sanctity of chemical reactions? The other atoms don’t even see it as an atom, just an electron to be used!” The hydrogen atom was quick to fire back, claiming that a helium atom wouldn’t know what a chemical reaction fucking was, and even dared to question if the helium atom ever lost its I-card (inert-card). The anonymous atom declared that it was its electron and its right to do how it pleased.

By Zach Englund

Reply