Kimberton, PA –

Citing an overabundance of to-be-hatched progeny coupled with a bout of super-horniness, a male house sparrow recently made an adjustment to his mating call. “Do I really need more mouths to regurgitate partly digested food into? No,” said the sparrow. “But would I like me some non-reproductive feathered tail? Sure.”

Accordingly, instead of ending his call with the traditional “breedy-breedy,” he wrapped it up with a “whoopie-whoopie.” This attracted several female finches, who without the pressure of procreation, grabbed at the chance for some inter-genus booty. At press time the finches were seen engaging in mutual molting with the lustful sparrow and rhythmically pecking at his beak while he browsed a copy of Playbird.

By Holly Love