Philadelphia, PA —

The Phillies-Miami game was cancelled after the ball was hit into the neighbor’s backyard. Right fielder Bryce Harper was the guilty party for hitting the ball out of Citizens Bank Park at the top of the first inning and into the backyard of that old grouchy witch, Mrs. O’Leary, who is notorious for confiscating anything that lands on her property. Starlin Castro of Miami immediately begged the umpire to implement the rule that whoever hits the ball into the yard should be the one to go retrieve it, much to Harper’s chagrin.

The ruling was initiated and Harper reportedly tried to first knock on O’Leary’s door to try and be direct. Sources report that this attempt yielded nothing as the elderly, cantankerous woman merely scolded Harper and told him to tell the others that the ball would stay in her possession. Jorge Alfaro suggested just sneaking into the yard, though no one was up to the task, especially after what had transpired only a few weeks earlier when Justin Turner of the LA Dodgers attempted to cross into the yard, only to be nearly mauled by O’Leary’s German Shepherd.

At press time it remained uncertain if the game would be rescheduled or if the Phillies would have to take a loss as it was their player who hit the ball out of play, cutting the game short.

By Zach Englund, Photo By Fred Gailey