"It combines all the most wretched experiences of humanity: cancer, giving your life for a greater cause, grieving parents, run-on sentences, and ellipses with five dots."
By Joe Lichtblau
Liam discovered this didn't solely occur at parties he was at, but rather, that at nearly every party where an acoustic guitar is present, at some point during the evening, Wonderwall will be used as a tool to fuck up a perfectly good evening by some drunken bumbling idiot who thinks they're going to impress a girl who's clearly not showing any sign's shes into him.
The public outcry has perhaps been the most unifying time in all of American history. Almost everyone of all ages, genders, races, and political affiliations have come together to send a message: "If you fuck with Keanu, you fuck with all of us."
"It simply will not have had the traditional Anderson character development,” said critic Will H. Held, who claims he will not have had the chance to actually see the movie – even by a year from now. “But by then I will have been proven right.”
"The guy keeps rhythmically grazing his fingertips over me for hours. He tells his wife he’s ‘reading a book on his Kindle app’. Like I can’t see what’s on me? That’s porn, buddy.”