M87’s Supermassive Black Hole came onto the scene with a much anticipated debut in April of this year, and was an instant breakout hit admired by millions around the globe. Having the distinct honor of being the first ever photographed black hole and boasting a mass of 6.5 billion suns, she graced every social media page and all major news outlets. But you know what they say: the larger the mass, the easier fame can go to your ginormous head.
It’s now three months later, and the world has moved on. We found M87’s Black Hole alone in space, 55 million light years away, exactly where she was discovered. Her name nary uttered on Earth, she spends her days eating her feelings by swallowing colossal amounts of light. M87’s Black Hole has let herself go, with nothing left to look forward to but her inevitable collapse in a million years or so; a million years with nobody to wave hello to, with nobody to care.
Perhaps she can score a gig on Dancing with the Stars…if she can stop eating them. We are rooting for you, Black Hole.
By Tommi Becker