North Port, FL —
After spending over $3,000 on his home fireworks display, this patriotic father of four, Fred Jeffery, returned two more times to Big John’s Fireworks Tent at the intersection of 41 and West Villages Parkway to drop another couple grand to be safe. As Jeffery explained, the 4th of July is more than just a one-night celebration of freedom, and he needed to make sure that he would have enough righteous ammo for the days leading up to the holiday, plus a few random 1 AM showings well into August.
“Oh, I’ve been doing this ever since I was a kid,” beamed Jeffery from his hospital bed. I got bottle rockets, sparklers for the little kids, Roman candles, firecrackers, mortars, I like to get a bit of everything. Then I just stand in the middle of the road all night long for about a week, and let ’em rip. Then this one M-80 wouldn’t light. So I kept at it — perseverance, sacrifice, you know? I knew I could get ‘er going if I just fiddled a little. Anyways, here we are. ”
When asked if his singed-off eyebrows, injuries to his hands, and the loss of left testicle might cause him to leave next year’s Independence Day to the professionals, he said, “Well, I still got the right one. Doc says I can still enjoy a full quality of life, though my oldest may have to help me with the M-1000’s. I’m a proud patriot, and freedom isn’t free.”
By Emily Sanchez