Menlo Park, CA —
Facebook headquarters was in a frenzy most of Wednesday trying to solve a photo glitch that resulted in their social media giants not properly displaying over 35 million memes, cat photos, and dick pics. While Facebook, Instagram and Whatsapp are back to normal less than twenty-four hours later, we here at Unsubscribed recognize that social media survivors are still grieving their losses and wish to pay tribute to these tragic loading errors and the brave users who witnessed this abject annoyance.
“I saw this absolutely hilarious Minions meme that said ‘I think my iPhone is broken. I hit the home button but I’m still at work.'” 52-year-old Linda Bernstein revealed. “I instantly knew John and Sarah at the office had to see this. But when I got to work and asked them if they pressed the home button on their iPhones, they just looked at me confused. It was then that I saw my Minions meme was just a white, meaningless void. It was the most embarrassing moment I’ve ever experienced that day.”
24-year-old Sophia Abdullah-Johnson was in her Facebook group Fat Cats: Meowre To Love. “I live for chonky cats. I usually wake up, brush my teeth, wash my face, and then spend the next twenty minutes scrolling through pictures of extra thicc kitties. Yesterday, group members were resorting to ascii art posts. I literally curled up and cried for four minutes.”
40-year-old Chad Starowicz broke down during his retelling of yesterday’s extremely brief trauma: “I was using my alt account to send my usual dick pics to random hotties on Instagram – you know, the ones that show some skin and essentially are asking for aggressive sexual reciprocity from appreciative guys like me – but with the photo glitch, all I could send was disappointing attachments that no one woman wants to look at.”
Headline by William Boffa, Story By Andrew Froese