Los Angeles, CA —

Upon arriving in Los Angeles in a ball of lightning, nude time traveler John Buck exclaimed, “Oh thank god, some fresh air!” A crowd of onlookers clothed him and asked whether he had come to our time to warn us of something, or to possibly do the whole ‘kill Hitler’ thing. Baffled, Buck simply responded, “I’m on vacation.” When another bystander quipped about the lack of a Delorean or phone booth, the intrepid traveler was astonished. “Wow, people here have time to care about pop culture.”

After stopping by every nearby food truck to eat all the “non-chicken” food products he could, Buck took a moment to be interviewed by a local reporter. Again pressed to explain his presence, Buck griped, “Why is everyone in such a sour mood; don’t you get how good you have it? You still have more than a dozen corporations. The opposition party hasn’t been dissolved by the Supreme Court yet, and crypto mining and game streaming haven’t strained servers to the point that the entire internet fails!”

Tired of answering questions, Buck commandeered a nearby broadcast truck, claiming it was time for some “GTA shit.” After a lengthy police chase, the truck crashed into a series of farmers’ market fruit stands.

As of press time, an angry mob was beating Buck to death for being such a disappointing person. His last words were allegedly, “Beats how most of you are going to go.”

By Zachary James Wood, Image Edit: Paul Klingle

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