Sanibel, FL —

“The first few times it happened, it was by total accident,” explained the local seagull. “I thought I was diving in for some cool-looking fish, and then the next thing I knew — there I was, gagging, gasping for breath. I blacked out for a minute, and when I came to there was this little, plastic baggie lying on my chest. Looked like it came from a sandwich that some mom packed for her precious little one for their beach time Sunday Funday.”

Seeming to search the heavens for an explanation to the madness, the seagull continued, “Pretty soon I found myself overwhelmed by the thought of the euphoric feeling I got from thrashing around, struggling for oxygen. I’d be looking for dinner, but all the while just longing for that rush, you know? That firm, but gentle grasp each bag used as it engulfed my delicate, fragile neck. We all have our own little guilty pleasures, and I guess nearly choking to death on plastic bags that never made it to the garbage cans is mine.”

The seagull confessed that while properly disposing of your trash is no guarantee he will not start dumpster-diving for that good feeling, it may help in removing the immediate access to that sweet, sweet temptation to choke himself.

By Emily Sanchez