Unsubscribed obtained a never-before published letter to Hello! Magazine. Here it is, in its entirety.

Dear Hello! Magazine,

Bobby was fine when I was a young, bright thing in the 1920s, but I’m more mature now, and it’s time that I learn to speak up for myself. The name is Robert. Not Bobby. Not Robby. Robert. It’s not difficult. And you’re gonna learn it. Your readers leave me in their pockets, forcing me through the wash, and then have the audacity to call me “Bobby?!” I’ve had enough. We’ve had enough. We met up in the lint trap, and decided that it was time to clear the air. I volunteered to write this letter. I hope you publish it, and that your readers soak it in. We all wish you well, but please remember to address us by our Christian name: Robert.

Thank you,

Robert Pins

Headline By Emily Wohlf, Written By Emily Sanchez