Phoenix, AZ —
Recently on Facebook, Arizona native Lucas Hines passionately declared his hatred for Hawaiian pizzas by posting, in all caps for extra emphasis, “PEOPLE WHO LIKE PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING,” which sparked a nice debate amongst his friends. His roommate, Tom Saunders, commented almost immediately, “This coming from a dude who brags about eating his girl’s ass every chance he can get? Whatever bro. More Hawaiian pizzas for the rest of us then.” Longtime friend, John Stiles agreed with Tom, “Yeah, dude. We’re all tired of hearing about how much you eat your girl’s ass but you’re calling us ‘disgusting’ for liking Hawaiian pizza? GTFO.” Hines responded, “I would rather eat asshole every night than put my mouth anywhere near something that repulsive. Have you seen the way the juice from the pineapple just floats on top of the cheese and tomato sauce? Don’t even get me started on the taste. Fucking gross.” Hines followed up with another comment, “My girl could go an entire month without showering and I’d still eat her ass over a slice of Hawaiian pizza any day of the week.” Even Abby Long, Lucas Hines’s girlfriend, chimed in, “Would you eat my ass while I eat a slice of Hawaiian pizza, babe?” The post was deleted shortly after Hines’s mother, Sherry, expressed her dismay at such an inappropriate post.