Heaven —

After a rather exhausting day, God Almighty admitted, “I totally forgot I told The Donald that he’s The Chosen One. I was so obviously saying it just to make him stop bothering me for five seconds with his Tweets. Oh my Me, any idiot would have sensed the tone. Well, not any idiot, I guess.” God made it clear that this one rests squarely on the shoulders of the American electorate. “You’re not blaming this one on me. You have free will, you know.”