Another successful date night is coming to a close. When my wife Anita requested a romantic evening to ourselves, I don’t think she was expecting me to knock it out of the park quite to this extent. We started the night with drinks and that spinach dip that she loves at the bar near our house. We made small talk, mostly about the kids. Then it was off to the movies. I chose an R rated flick that was rumored to be quite racy! It appeared to have done the trick, because all through dinner afterwards, Anita was giving me all the signals that she was feeling frisky. Not only did she make eye contact with me while sipping her second mojito of the evening, but at one point she reached across the table, took my hand in hers and gently ran her thumb across the back of it. She was totally gagging for it! 

After the thrilling evening out on the town, we made our way back home. As Anita sensually slipped off her cardigan, hanging it on the back of a chair with reckless abandon, I thanked God that the kids were staying the night with my parents. Things were about to get so fucking wild.

“May I treat you to a nice massage, my love?” I say, ushering her to our marriage bed. 

“Oh, Ken, that would be great.” She replied. “I think our seats were too close to the screen at the movie earlier, because my neck has been aching all night.” 

I read her loud and clear. She’s aching for it, alright. I fiddle around in the bedside drawer for the bottle of massage oil. It was a little hard to find, but I located it way in the back. It must have been a while since we last used it. I pry the lid off and sensually drizzle it over Anita’s back. She lets out a small gasp as it begins to run down her sides. Her anticipation for what’s to come is palpable. I begin to massage. Starting with her shoulders, then working my way down to her lower back. Oh no, this old oil is absorbing rather quickly. I clumsily paw at the lid to the oil, finally wrestling it free. Better use a lot more this time, because that was tricky. 

As I douse the love of my life with more oil, I start to lose my grip on the slippery bottle. I manage to catch it before it falls, but I spilled a sizable amount of oil in Anita’s back side. Quickly, I attempt to scoop the excess up and out of her rump, when a thought crosses my mind… This oil is quite slippery and is most likely nearing it’s expiration. I’m not one to be wasteful, and Anita has been dropping clues all night that she’s wanting to try something a little more adventurous. And hey, maybe those 3 minutes that I rubbed her back have already relaxed her enough that she may not even notice? I take a deep breath and very slowly lean forward, making sure that I really put some elbow grease into that spot in her neck she was complaining about.

Now, we’ve never attempted any so-called ‘backdoor action’ before, but last New Years Eve I did graze it with my finger on a whim. Anita recoiled and acted a bit taken aback, but that’s just because that’s how proper women are expected to act. Now that I’m really mulling this over, I think she’s actually going to love this. I press against her a little harder this time. As I attempt to penetrate her, I let out a small cough. That way if she hates it, I can play it off like an accidental slip. So far so good! She hasn’t objected! I knew this wife of mine was a dirty girl! I grind a little harder. This time Anita lets out a soft moan… and a snort? She’s never made that sound during our lovemaking before. I must be really hitting the spot. 

‘This is it, Ken.’ I say to myself. ‘You are actually going to do it. Tonight is the night that you actually get to sodomize your wife. This is going to liven up your sex life in ways you can’t even imagine!’ I cross myself and ask the Lord to forgive me for what I am about to do, and press gently, but firmly into Anita. This is my time to show her that I am a man with strong desires, and I desire to enter her from the back. This is her time to finally experience the adventurous things in life that she has been telling me she needs ever since the kids were born. 

As I enter Anita, I am suddenly met with strong resistance. “Relax, my love. I promise to be gentle.” 

Anita suddenly rolls over, sits up and wipes a puddle of drool from the corner of her mouth. “What on Earth do you think you’re doing?? Why would you wake someone up in such a disgusting manner??” she shrieks. “I finally get to fall asleep at a decent time without the kids here, and you decide to go all ‘prison shower scene’ on me?” 

“Oh, Anita! Please forgive me,” I say, in a last ditch effort to save face. “You had obviously fallen asleep, so I was just trying to reach over you to turn off the lamp. I must have slipped and landed against you at a funny angle. You know I’ve always had a knack for darts.” 

Thank you for reading. Please tune in next time for Husband Hopes Wife Won’t Notice His Subtle Attempts At Masturbating Next To Her In Bed. 

By CarolAnn Liebelt